Writing 101: Give and Take

“Excuse me, Sir, but could you tell me how to get to Palmer Johnsons?”

“Watcha wanna git there fer?”

“Please, I have an appointment and I am entirely lost. Should I turn around and go back South?”

“You don knaw whereya’are, d’ya?”

“Why no Sir. I’m sorry to trouble you, but no, I have never been to Wisconsin before. Indeed I don’t believe I’ve ever been this North before in my life. You see, I am supposed to be there… Dear God! I’m late! Please Sir, could you just tell me the proper directions?”

“Well fer starters, yerrin th’wrong village, knaw dat? An you’on d’wrong side’da peninsula. Ya sure ya need’n git ta that thar Palmer Johnson? Dey make boats, ya knaw. Bigguns, too. Kinda need ta knaw where ya goin’ iffin ya gettin a boat. If ya can’t drive a car on well-signed roads t’a place, how’in heck ya think ya gonna git yer boat aroun’ dese big waters here. This here Lake Michigan’s no friendly sister in certain weather patterns, ya know-what-I-mean?”

“I see, Sir. You don’t believe I deserve such a fine vessel as a Palmer Johnson yacht, is that right?”

“Correctumondo, rich fella. Where you from? Surely even a FIB knows howda foller Lake Michigan.”

“A fib, Sir?”

“Why an F-in Illinois Bastard, or Bitch, or what have you.”

“I see. Please, is there at least a cab I can call? Perhaps a taxi driver would find no harm in taking me where I need to go?”

(hardy raspy chuckle)

“You think a cab a make any dough in dese parts? Haven you’n seen dis place? Dontcha ever done open yer eyes, ya snotty jerk? Howin hell coulda cab get nuf coin ta last the winner here? You gone full on crackers er sumpin? Man oh man Jezzuz alive, and ta think you the kinda folk dumpin millions in some fancy boat but ye haven’t da sense te get yerself anywheres ye need ta go. Fella, ya don need my help, you need more help then a poor ol gas station owner like me can give ya. Why don ye just get in that shiny shit you call a car and take yerself back home, wherever dat is, an leave yer direction-challenged-mind outta boatin altogether, ya hear me? It’s a safety thing. I can’t let some wealthy Richie Rich get out there n kill my fishin’ friends ya hear? Naw git before I charge ya for taking up my precious time.”

“What on earth..?”

“Ye deaf too? Git da hell outta here!”

Assignment: Focus today’s post on the contrast between two things. The twist? Write the post in the form of a dialogue.


6 thoughts on “Writing 101: Give and Take

  1. Dear Goddess on the Go: You had me rolling with laughter! I have lived in different places where I have been treated in such a manner-from Western Pa. to South Florida, and the way you took me through that dialogue was very enjoyable!

  2. I am all-together from a different country than yours but have been through situations like these and you got me laughing here 😀 remembering all that…

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