What the fuck?!
Damn Monsanto! Is this for real? Those money-grubbing, world-conquering assholes are taking over the entire Saturday farmer’s market. The one up by the capital? What? All of them? You’re kidding! How the hell can they do that? Is there nothing we can do?
There’s gotta be a way the CSA members of all these awesome local farms can rise up against them. Fuck! And I’m sure Scott Walker is all for it, he’s no help here.
If there is anything we Madisonians are good at is protesting, but if we couldn’t even get the whole state to boot Scott Walker out of the capital, how are we going to beat Monsanto?
Oh my God! What are we going to do? I mean, I’m seriously thinking we need to move to Canada or Sweden. I know I know, they won’t take us. And It’s not like Monsanto is completely immune to taking over other countries around the world either, but at least a lot of the European nations have already stood against their evil ways. Like I’m pretty sure Germany, and like, all kinds of other nation’s have basically chased Monsanto out. Other nation’s government’s are too intelligent and seasoned through the centuries to see that Monsanto is like a modern frickin’ Napoleon! or Hitler even!
I still can’t believe it. Well it won’t last. What idiot is going to shop at Monsanto’s farmer’s market with all their boring GMO patented produce and nasty meats? Does Monsanto do meat? They probably do and it’s nasty and evil too. It’s all nasty and evil, everything Monsanto does is for pure greed and world domination!
Smart though, really. I mean, how would someone truly control huge ginormous populations of people? Like entire countries of people? Food! It’s brilliant. Brilliantly evil and greedy. The problem is there are too many stupid people on the planet to know the difference. Too many idiots probably, for no good reason other than to be contrary to “liberals,” would actually defend Monsanto, support Monsanto, or even fight for Monsanto! Look how frickin’ fast food chains and junk food takes off! Most that shit isn’t on the food pyramid! Does anyone even know what the food pyramid is anymore?
Oh God, we’re doomed.
I better get really good at gardening and hoarding heirloom seeds. Fuck I’d have to protect it all in a sealed greenhouse so Monsanto’s stupid patented pollen doesn’t infect my crops. Can’t you just see it? Like the frickin’ Hunger Games! Imagine US troops, funded by Monsanto Corporation, would come marching in and destroy any gardens that rebel against their patented evil. And then they’d sue you for a rogue sunflower on your property containing Monsanto patented DNA. It’s happening. It’s truly happening. God that sucks!
And who pays these journalists to turn the focus to nothing but GMO’s nutritional value and the effect on the human body? That’s so short-sided and bullshit. The real problem is one ginormous corporation, with the government in it’s back pockets, completely controlling what we can and cannot grow or eat. Wiping out species altogether! And screwing with land quality in the process. How fucked up is that? Oh yeah, Round-Up flippin’ GMO corn that supposedly is disease and bug resistant, until the next year, when nature tries to compensate and work around it, so then Monsanto spends a gagillion dollars on a bunch more experiments. Just think of it- a farmer could then be fined for growing fuckin’ outdated Monsanto soy beans or some shit like that. This whole thing could really spiral out of control.
But for now, Monsanto has freakin’ stole my Saturday mornings from me! And the rest of Madison! Hell, most of Wisconsin!
I need a beer. Make sure it’s local why we got it. Fuck me.
Warning: Monsanto is NOT taking over the Madison farmers markets yet. This is a rant based on an assignment.
You’re told that an event that’s dear to your heart — an annual fair, festival, or conference — will be cancelled forever (or taken over by an evil organization). Write about it. For your twist, read your piece aloud, multiple times. Hone that voice of yours!
Husband approved after I read it out loud.